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"GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform.
I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock me off this platform!" Again after a few more minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!"

His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a NAVY SEAL, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor. The SEAL hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform. The Professor was out cold.

The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble in confusion. The SEAL nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell silent ..... waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the SEAL in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an idiot. So He sent me."]]> Navy http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-174651 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sun, 25 May 2008 00:46:51 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080524-174651 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-180121
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of their packs, they wondered if the end would ever come.

“Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You're doing a FINE job. We've already covered four miles!”

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

“And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the starting point any minute now.”

]]> Army http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-180121 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 13 May 2008 01:01:21 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080512-180121 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080505-190602
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promptly calls for his best soldier.

When all three representatives have arrived, the Admiral states, " Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course."

The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned running towards the cliff. After performing a triple-lindy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing. Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that was nothing", and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff, then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle."

And with that the Air Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds). Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.

The Army General then says, "Very nice gentlemen, but here's true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Infantryman), he says " I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side."

The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "No Way SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.

The General turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says, "Now gentlemen, that's BRAVERY...." ]]> Military In General http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080505-190602 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 06 May 2008 02:06:02 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080505-190602 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080425-190627
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Brandon.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.”

The general said to the driver, “Drive on!”

The sentry said, “Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.”

The general repeated to the driver, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”]]> Army http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080425-190627 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sat, 26 Apr 2008 02:06:27 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080425-190627 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080418-214407
The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."]]> Marines http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080418-214407 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sat, 19 Apr 2008 02:44:07 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080418-214407 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-214039
2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

8. The senior officer is Always Right.

9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.]]> Marines http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-214039 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sat, 05 Apr 2008 02:40:39 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080404-214039 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-005443
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: "Yes."

The generals look at each other, bewildered. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: "Yes what?"

Instantly the computer responded: "Yes sir."]]> Military In General http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-005443 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 21 Mar 2008 05:54:43 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080321-005443 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-214947
I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice]]> Marines http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-214947 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:49:47 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080313-214947 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-212850
He examines it, and finds that a mechanic has to be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit cards. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and sends a smoke signal to his tribe: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!"

The tribe recieves the signal, but to make sure of it's meaning, signals back.

"OK, chief, but why so much ?"

At this moment a ground test of a nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky.

The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, don't get so mad?"]]> Military In General http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-212850 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 07 Mar 2008 03:28:50 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080306-212850 http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-220605
So the Ranger headed into the bayou and a few hours later he saw the two Marines. They were standing waist deep in the water. The Ranger then saw a huge gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

The Ranger then heard one of the Marines shout, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"]]> Marines http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-220605 Information Resource Network mj@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:06:05 GMT http://militaryjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=03&entry=entry080303-220605